Though That Would Be a Great Batman Villain.
Child: The man-of-war is in a black suit, right?Father: It's not an actual man.–Museum of Natural HistoryOverheard by: Harmony Yourish
View ArticleSo It Does Promote Flexible Thinking
Teenage boy: I still don't get it, what's green and goes in the tank?Teenage girl: The turtle.Teenage boy: The turtle's turquoise…Teenage girl: Its head is green!Teenage boy: You do realize we're...
View ArticleOnly If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas
Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.Starbucks barista: Well,...
View Article…So You Probably Shouldn't Insult Kuwait That Way.
Woman, gesturing angrily at new subway map: Did you see this? Look at this color! It looks like Kuwait! When I draw maps that's the color I use for desert wasteland!Bystander: Well, it is Queens…–1...
View Article…As I Will Explain on All My College Applications.
Blonde seventh grader, about Holocaust: Yeah, like, I'm Jewish on my mom's side, you're Asian. So, basically everyone in our class would have died from the Nazis.Asian seventh grader, to other friend:...
View ArticleFrom the Little-seen Christmas Special Are You Racist, Charlie Brown?
Five-year-old black girl: Let's play I spy!Six-year-old black girl: I spy… Something brown!Five-year-old black girl: The chair!Six-year-old black girl: No.Five-year-old black girl: The...
View ArticleWe Blame Barbie for This Conversation.
All beauty, no brains brunette: No, John, he's not all the way black, his mom is white and his dad is black. He's just like 1/16th black, or whatever that comes out to.John: Dude, really? I take it...
View ArticleAh, Story Of My Life!
20 something girl #1: So you ditched his ass.20 something girl #2: Yeah, well, I told him that I would not date a 36-year-old who comes to work wearing bubblegum pink sneakers riding a long...
View ArticleJust in Time for the Holidays…
Hippie: What color is your aura? FIT girl: I think my aura has black and white stripes. Hippie: Vertical or horizontal? FIT girl: Horizontal…no, vertical. Hippie: Is that because vertical stripes make...
View ArticleLady In Red
Woman (wearing red pants & with red fingernails): I just made the greatest discovery: if I always dress in red, then I will always match and always look good! I’m now in the middle of getting rid...
View ArticleMass Suffering Is the New Black
Female employee #1: Have you seen the “Save Darfur” shirts? I want one.Female employee #2: No.(after ten minutes)Female employee #1: See? Here’s the “Save Darfur” shirt. I really want one.Female...
View ArticleMission Accomplished
Guy #1: Yesterday I made some Valentines for my coworkers, and I made up little poems to go in them, to make them extra personal.Guy #2: Like what?Guy #1: “Roses are red, violets are blue, your cat...
View ArticleWhat's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?
NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.–South Street SeaportOverheard by: JuliumRotund old woman...
View ArticleWednesday One-Linernotes
Man handing out his CD: Scuze me, you like authentic Latino music? (woman flinches)I ain't gonna bite you. Neither is the CD. Unless you're bitten with the sweet beat of salsa.–2 TrainOlder guy to...
View ArticleThe Best Part Is, They're Talking About Children's Programming
Guy #1: May I presuppose what I think you're trying to articulate, which is, that the core universality of your character's arc needs to be explicitly emphasized in the color palate?Guy #2: I think...
View ArticleEspecially When the Bears Catch You Eating Their Porridge
Jamaican man, talking to himself: At the next stop I'm going to be white with blue eyes and blond hair.Trashy, red-lipsticked middle-aged white woman with blue eyes and blonde hair: I can tell you from...
View ArticleI Always Appreciate Good Classical Form
Girl #1: Did you see those two homeless men fighting by the subway?Girl #2: I know! That was horrible!Girl #1: Yeah. I was rooting for the guy in blue. Girl #2: Really? I was going for the other...
View ArticleAnd the Wet Look Went Out in the 80's
Ditz, talking about shoes: They used to be so white… It makes me sad.Friend: Try soaking them in soapy water.Ditz: But then they'd be all wet!–Central Park
View ArticleThe Multiple-Choice Section Of This Wednesday One-Liner Begins Now
Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.–4 TrainOverheard by: heatherRandom guy walking into the ferry...
View ArticleDrugging Miss Daisy
Old lady: You know, I never liked the word ‘black.’ I much preferred ‘colored’ — it makes more sense. See, you’re not black, you’re brown like the color of toast.Nurse: Ah, um, I’m just here to give...
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